Online Dating: “Nice Guys” vs Nice Guys

Can we talk about “nice guys” for a minute? Because there is a difference between a “nice guy” and a nice guy. (My third grade teacher hated the word nice and it is making this blog really hard to write!)

I tend to share (overshare?) some of the really negative messages I receive while online dating. There are a couple reasons for this:

1) I think it is funny, and I know you do too!
2) People often don’t think it is “that bad”, and it can be!

To be honest, it usually just rolls off my shoulders. These people don’t know me and I owe it to myself to not let it get me down. It’s not always easy to do, and I found these last couple particularly hard.

These are the “nice guys”. The guys that have to justify their “niceness” to you like they have something to prove. They think they are being nice just by messaging you and by giving you their time. They think that you owe it to them to talk/meet/sex them because they are better than you in some way.

Examples:

 Hey you! YOU’RE NOT ACTUALLY A NICE GUY! Your message is rude. I called him out on the comment and he “couldn’t believe I was so angry”.

This is what happened when I said “no” to giving him any contact information. He asked what no means, to which I replied “no means no”. Yes, I’m clearly soooo lucky he messaged me since he’s doing me a favour and being nice.

So to be completely honest and fair, I have met some genuinely nice men through online dating. Some I’m still in contact with as friends.  I don’t tend to share those messages, especially if I feel the relationship is going somewhere/anywhere. Plus they aren’t always as funny.

The true nice guy doesn’t have to tell you he’s nice, he shows you. He listens to what you are saying, is interested in the things you do/like/are, and is willing to share parts of himself. He doesn’t make inappropriate comments about your body. He doesn’t demand physical contact/sex/intimacy, and asks if it is okay to kiss you or touch you. This nice guy is okay with the word no and it doesn’t affect his ego.

So to everyone who wonders why I’m still putting myself through the torture of online dating, these guys are the reason why. I wouldn’t keep doing it if I didn’t believe that there are genuine and nice people out there.