This post appeared originally on my old blog from a year ago. I don’t keep it up and will likely delete it. Still, I find this post amusing so I edited it and I am posting it here. Thanks for reading!!
So if you haven’t already figured out, I’ve done a bit of online dating over the last few years. Most of the dates have been pretty okay, especially recently. But I have had some pretty bad first dates.
In no particular order, here we go …
5. The universe is made of circles and also I talk to my veggies.
Met cute guy for a scenic walk. This is nice because at the very least we can talk about the scenery and nature, right? Of course we can. And then he can ramble about how the universe is circles and everything is connected and how cool is science. He also talked about hating his fast food job because he was a raw vegan. He also talked to his raw veggies before he ate them. I’m not judging, that is just not my lifestyle.
4. The strong, silent type.
You’re not mysterious and I don’t want to carry the whole conversation. Talk a little. This has happened more than once. Number four is not one person!
3. I’m homeless soon, how would you like a live-in boyfriend? I could cook for you while I start my own business.
And eat my food on my part-time income. No, We actually were only chatting on Skype and hadn’t met yet. But when I declined he seemed more surprised then I expected. As a social worker, my best advice was to find a local shelter.
2. Dog seizure.
Met this man and his dog for a walk. Dog humped my leg. Sat and talked about similar professions and he proceeded to try to get me to break confidentiality based on historically mutual clients. Watched drunk lady fall over while walking her small pug-like dog. He has full conversation with her about dogs, I twiddle my thumbs. We continue to walk. His dog has a seizure (which, for the record, was completely terrifying for me and while this is a good story I did feel bad for the dog!). This guy insists on continuing the walk! I finally bail about block from my place.
1. Oh you have tattoos? My religion doesn’t approve. I wouldn’t get one, but I don’t mind them I guess.
Then tells me that his parents would disapprove of him getting any. Super awkward, longest one hour date ever. Fifteen minutes after we part ways he tries to booty call me since we won’t be seeing each other again for a few weeks. I not-so-gently let him know that we will not be getting together again. Ever. EVER. Label him creep in my phone.
Tell me about your first date! I’m glad that I have some amusing stories to share.
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