Thanks again to everyone who read my previous “tough stuff” post. It is so wonderful to have positive feedback on such a difficult topic. Being vulnerable is challenging, but meaningful and authentic. I hope to continue this theme in my blog. Cheers!
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I have always been a worrier; I know I come by this honestly. I’m a people pleaser and extremely empathetic. Worry, anxiety, and depression are rife within my family tree, along with many other mental health diagnoses and addictions.. I’d like to share two specific times where my anxiety became unmanageable and how I dealt with it. I only recently discovered mindfulness techniques that work for me.
The first time my anxiety took over was was in fourth year of undergrad (2008). I finished first and second year without issue. Then I had completed a full summer semester consisting of 1 full day of class, 4 full days of internship, and 1 full day of working. This lasted for three full months until end of July. In August I worked my butt off to make up for the lost working time in the summer and save money for school/books. In September of that year I was in my final year of university which consisted of a full course load and 15hrs per week of internship, plus I was still working. Needless to say that my cousins’ death in November was the tipping point for my anxiety. It definitely took a toll on my body and emotions, including panic attacks and extreme amounts of uncontrollable crying. I chose the medication route this time because I wanted a “quick fix” and it is also the nature of my family doctor (I realized this wasn’t the easy way out as I had to change medications due to side effects). It was a tough final year of university. I weaned off the medication after a year.
The second time was during my Masters of Social Work program. In September 2013 I started full time graduate studies while working two part-time jobs; I also started a new (tricky) relationship and switched hormonal birth control methods (this in itself could be a blog post). I WAS A MESS! I was going home from a 4hr shift at work and napping, then doing homework, then sleeping (but not well); I was working some steady hours, schooling every other weekend and also working casually on the weekends. That winter I couldn’t stop crying. The final straw was when I found myself crying at work. My work is generally not sad on a daily basis – tough for sure, but not always sad. My casual work presented more challenges and more difficult situations in which emotions ran high and stress levels peaked (I started having dreams about going into work and messing up). I finally called my Employee Assistance Program and met with a social worker for support. I knew this time I didn’t want to go back on medication. Just having someone point out how isolating and difficult my work was, was SUCH a relief; I can’t even describe how nice it was to have another professional simply say “I get it. You’re doing great work.” I only saw her four times but it was so helpful for me. I still struggled through the rest of my program – extreme tiredness, bad health at times, ending of a shitty relationship and changes in my friend group were tough.
One thing I took away from my masters program and counselling sessions were the ideas and practices of mindfulness to reduce stress. This is a “buzz word” topic of late and is gaining popularity in many fields including social work and health care. It doesn’t work for everyone, and I only find a few parts helpful for me. For example, I find long, guided meditations difficult. However, there are two main things I have taken away from my learning about mindfulness.
1. Being in the moment. Trying to focus on what is happening now and quieting anxious thoughts about the past or future. As a worrier I tend to let my thoughts run wild about what could happen. I’m like WedMD – always worst case scenario. Mindfulness has taught me how to get back into the moment and focus. I take some deep breaths, stretch a bit (neck and calves for me!) and redirect my thoughts to the present moment.
2. Help falling asleep. Sleep is a huge issue for me as I don’t function well without it. I have a hard time falling asleep. One thing mindfulness has helped with is trying to keep my thoughts clear (like #1) and focus on relaxing my body. So instead of worrying about what is happening at work I focus on relaxing each part of my body individually. I start at my toes and work my way up, but usually fall asleep at some point.
My anxiety is by no means gone or perfectly controlled. I continue to have days of high anxiety and stress. My point is that I think I’ve found a better way to cope with those things. I’ve also changed my diet and exercise habits; very slightly, as slow change is what works best for me. I like structure and schedule, with a little chaos thrown in for fun. I also have no plans to do any further education that requires homework!
What do you do for stress and anxiety? Have you tried mindfulness practices? What works best for you? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear from you.
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